Counted and signed for
Today I turned in my gun.
After 143 days of service, we gave back all of our gear. Rifles, magazines, bullets. Everything went back to the armory, counted and signed for.
On paper, that means I can return to normal life.
I am still working out what normal looks like.
Five months on a schedule
It started at Nachshonim base, where I signed for my gear. A week of advanced training followed. Then came four and a half months on base down by Gaza.
We left our families, jobs, communities and lives to serve, and we don’t mind it a bit. It is our job and what we signed up for. Not everyone gets this opportunity. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have had.
For five months, every day ran on a schedule. A morning meeting to start. Tasks all day. Three meals I never had to think about. A recap every night, and the next day’s assignments handed out before we slept.
The days we swapped with the other half of the unit were fixed. The times we returned to base were set in stone.
Even my weeks at home belonged to the army. Calls and messages came in at all hours. A few times I had to drive straight back to base in the middle of a week that was supposed to be mine.
I spent most of the holidays on base. Most Shabbosim too. The candles were lit at home without me.
Life kept moving
Life at home kept moving without me. Friends planned vacations. Someone bought a house. Someone started planning a wedding. I heard about most of it late, secondhand, or not at all.
The Shabbos and Yom Tov meals went on without me. I missed the local news and the banter around the table. The work I left behind was picked up by a co-worker, and the office learned to run without my seat filled.
Kids grow up fast when a parent is away. They learn to do things on their own. When they can’t, they ask a friend’s father to help.
Every week we went back to base, it got harder to leave. Every time we came home, it got harder to readjust.
What my son said
Today my son told me to go back to miluim.
I think he was joking. Part of him was not.
He has gotten used to me not being home. For five months his mother ran the house alone. On the nights she had nothing left, she told him to order in because there was no time to cook. On the days she had no patience left to fight, she gave him whatever he wanted.
She was a “single parent” with a husband on a base near Gaza. She did what miluim spouses across the country did. She got the family through, one night at a time.
Now I walk back in the door with expectations. Dinner at the table. Bedtimes. Homework checked. To a kid who learned to live without those rules, a father coming home can look like a step down.
I understand why he said it. It still landed hard.
The gear goes back in one afternoon. The habits my family built to survive my absence take much longer to undo.
Five months happened
Now, with a snap of the fingers, I am supposed to step back in like nothing happened.
Something happened. Five months happened.
I was not fully there for my family or my friends. I was not at work building my career. I missed parent teacher nights. I missed the long catch ups, the good news and the hard news from the people closest to me.
The army has a procedure for returning equipment. Nobody hands you a procedure for returning yourself.
So I will do it slowly.
- One dinner at home.
- One school pickup.
- One phone call to a friend I owe an update.
- One full workday without checking the unit group.
- One honest conversation with my son about why I am glad to be home, even if he is not sure yet.
Why 2027 is about coming home
I am one reservist. Many others are walking back through their front doors right now with the same questions, and many families are learning to make room again for someone who has been gone for months.
Since October 2023, Smiles for the Kids has supported more than 40,000 soldiers and distributed more than $1.8 million in aid. Gear, meals for miluim families, carnivals for displaced kids. All of it was built for the months a soldier is away.
The months after matter just as much. That is why Smiles for the Kids is launching its 2027 campaign with one focus: reintegration. The goal is to help soldiers and their families find their footing once the uniform comes off.
The gun took ten minutes to return.
I am giving myself longer.